I'm Jewish. Not Jewish, but Jew-ish. Although I am born into a family of Jewish faith, my mom says we come from a line of atheists. I don't know what I am. I try not to think about why this earth was formed and created and what will happen after death, because I think this is something none of us truly know the answer to, and I'd, personally, rather not spend my life trying to answer or solve the mystery. I'd rather just live.
Aside from the religious aspects, I do feel tied to the Jewish culture and most Jewish people. When I find out someone is Jewish, I automatically feel some sort of connection to them due to many overarching values and general qualities most Jewish people have. I have recently decided that I'd like to learn more about religion, from a curiosity stand-point, and also to fuel a script I'm writing about a young Jewish girl in Brownsville during the 1950's.
USC's student body consists of a fairly large Jewish population, (not that many are in the film school, oddly enough...at least not in the MFA program) and thus has several Jewish clubs, etc. I decided to attend a Hillel Rosh Hashanah service with my friend, to see what it was all about. Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, which is followed by Yom Kippur, a time to reflect and atone for one's sins and come up with resolutions (from what I know, anyway).
The service was on Tuesday afternoon (and most services were held Monday which was the first day of Rosh Hash). The Hillel was fairly empty and the Rabbi was young and affable. It almost felt more like a classroom setting, which I kind of enjoyed. The service consisted of readings from the Torah, audience participation (the Rabbi asked attendants questions about the Jewish faith, etc.), a small, inspirational speech by the head of the Jewish Studies at USC (a very endearing older gentleman), the passing around of the Torah, and the blowing of the Shofar (a ram's horn).
After the service was over, brunch was served - bagels and lox (of course), manichevitz, challah, fruit, etc. And people chatted.
I still felt like an outsider, while I was there. I hadn't gone to temple since I was 12 years old (and promptly stormed out b/c that was my disbelief in God phase, and besides what kid liked to go to temple anyway? I was already at the age where my main goal in life was to find a cute boy, and after diligently scanning the rows of seats to find there weren't any...what was really the point of being there? ha). As we were leaving Hillel, the Rabbi and Head of Jewish Studies both said "Happy New Year" to me in Hebrew, but I couldn't get myself to say it back. I felt like it wouldn't be authentic, like I'd be lying or pretending I was something I'm not.
Overall, it was an interesting experience. What I liked about the service were some of the inspirational quotes from the Torah and some inspirational things the Rabbi said. It made me feel renewed and as if I had an added sense of purpose in my own life - it felt like a new beginning. However, because religious practice is not something I was raised with or something that comes naturally to me, it did feel kind of like a class with subject matter that wasn't really my cup of tea. Would I go again? Probably not, unless it was more of a social gathering or a way to meet fellow students. A big part of my personal Jewish experience is the warmth and family-feel of the culture, so I would love to participate in activities or events more geared towards that and less towards tradition and religion.
In the service, I was struck by something that I often think about. There are many rituals, even down to the clothes you can wear (men must wear kippas and a shawl - I'm forgetting the Hebrew word for it now), and it makes me wonder why people still commit to these rituals. Is it for a sense of tradition? Is it due to something that's been ingrained since childhood? Is it something done without thinking? Or is there a specific purpose for the adherence of traditional rituals, and if so what is gained from it? These are all questions that came to me, while simply looking at the back of a man's head (specifically at his yarmulke).
It is these questions that keep me from a solid religious or faith-based practice. I don't like to do things or participate in things unless I truly know why I am committing specific actions. Religion goes so far back into history and is such a huge facet of society that is still very confusing to me. I might want to explore further, or maybe I'll just stick to eating bagels on my own time.
Learn more about Hillel USC here: uschillel.org/
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